الثلاثاء، 4 سبتمبر 2018

We Talk About Santas For Hire

By James Brooks


Santa Claus is coming to town. Or at least he would be if they hired a new one to be stationed at the mall already. So far? Empty. Children are fussing over it whenever they pass the section where their favorite Father Christmas would sit on. It is nearing the months of the holidays so where is he? Are they still on the process of hiring one? Seriously, why not just hire the same guy from last year? He has always been the Dallas Santa for Hire.

Oh. Turns out he passed away already earlier this year. That is sad and slightly disappointing. How will children take to a new Santa in this mall? Will they even notice the difference? Kids have tiny brains so probably not. The smart ones are too mature and smart to even think about sitting on the lap of an old guy.

Think about it. It may be risky to get some shady hoodlums to act as Mr. Claus. Especially when in malls, kids are supposed to sit on their laps and talk to them about what they want for Christmas. But when you hire them, they would get money and they would have something to eat during this holiday.

One less sad person, right? And it is only for the holidays. Though, to be honest, the smell might be a problem. How long do you think they have gone without taking a bath? Do we really want those people close to our kids?

But that cartoon not to be taken seriously. South Park is known for being controversial, satirical and all out cruel. Hilarious, yes, but very crude. But it has been known as a masterpiece and has taught this humble writer a lot of things concerning some topic issues we never even heard of from this side of the globe.

Tywin Lannister. Silence. We know. But if you pause and actually imagine him as your Santa, actually no. Nevermind. It sounds like a bad idea. The scariest and most badass character wearing the colors of red and gold, who also died in the toilet, walking in the halls wearing red and white garb. Well. What a way to haunt everybody and their nightmares.

Why are we talking about cartoons? We were speaking about the missing Santa in the mall. How hard can it be to find an older man with a white beard? Unless they do not even want to volunteer in the first place. That is just a sad waste of material to work on. They could cosplay as some badass bearded dude.

Whoops. An old man in a red coat just walked up to the platform. Looks like they already found their next red Dumbledore for this year. He is a bit too skinny to be the jolly old man though.

But if you are a man that also fits the bill, then do it yourself? Cheaper that way, you know? You may even get other people to hire you next year. It will give you additional money on top of your own salary. It serves as a nice back up too in case of emergencies. Plus, this makes a good story to tell your own grandchildren.




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